I saw him the night my father died. The Marauders were invading. They had come in the night, creeping past the distance watches, then overpowering the short guard and forcing their way into the castle. I was up in a flash. I held a rapier in one hand and was lighting torches with the one lit in my other. With the light so bright, it turned the advantage from the Marauders to our side, but not by enough. One by one, my people were taken down, and suddenly, I was cornered on top of a table in the middle of the room. I tried to keep my defense even, but they had encircled me. I thought the end was near but my father, my brave, brave, father, had broken away from his assailents and swung down. He grabbed me as he swooped past, all the way through the window on the East Wall.
May 4, 2009
A dream story, Part 4
My father and I fell. We fell for ages. I must have fallen unconcious, for I remember waking up as my father limped, me in his arms, into the forest. I tried to walk, but he wouldn’t let me. I could see him wince in pain as he took each step. He left a trail of blood and the occasional shard of glass. It made my scrapes and bruises seem insignifigent. After we reached the outskirts of the forest, he let me out of his grasp enough for me to support him. As we crept deeper and deeper into the woods, I could feel him getting weaker and weaker. Obstacles he had once carried me over easily, without thought, now seemed to envoke dispair as they appeared.
As we cleared a rocky patch, I felt my father shift and then collapse. I caught him before he hit the ground, but only just. I can’t remember if I spoke. My emotions most likely prevented it. I sat there holding him for what felt like hours. He died in my arms. I cried so long and hard, tears wouldn’t come. I had none left. Then He came, disturbing me from my mourning.
“I have him, Lad.” He said, his voice thick with thinly concealed anguish. “I have him. You stay here while I-I bear him to the Grove.” His tears freely fell as he lifted my father out of my arms. “Stay here. I will return for you.”
With a final glance my way, He disappeared into the brush, taking a path only he could know.
And then I was alone.
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You have a super vocabulary. Watch out for repetition though (ex: fall, fall, fallen–all appear at the opening of one paragraph).
Yeah, I’m giving writerly advice. Maybe you didn’t want any. Hope I’m not being too obnoxious, just helpful.
Comment by mfogelsong — September 24, 2009 @ 12:24 am |