A memories of a man I never new

What is grief? Some will say a sadness if you ask them. A nagging pain. Sorrow. and it is true.  Their is an association. But my definition is a bit more.

Grief is the absence of influences. The stronger the influence, the stronger the grief. Sometimes grief can be crippling, other times it can be so slight people act as if they didn’t suffer at all.

Do I grieve to Granddad Ken? No. Not as much as anyone else his family.  I have but a few memories, so if you will bear with me as I share the memories of a man I never new.

…Sitting on an ugly carpet, Granddad turns on Wile Coyote, a show he approves of. He didn’t catch the roadrunner that time, but he came pretty close…

When I think of the relationship between grand-parent and grand-child, I think not of my own family, but the relationship between one of my friends.

His name is Chris. He is belongs in a family blessed(or cursed) to live about 10 miles from each other. They hey were close and not just by distance. They did things together. They saw each other each Sunday at Church They hunted rabbits and deer together, they went fishing. They were FAMILY.  They were a part of each other.

A relationship I envy.

…Proudly saying I knew how ti shuffle really well(by which I meant loudly), and a demonstrating. Humbly I watched Granddad Ken near silently shuffled, showing just how wrong I was…

The closest thing to raising me Granddad Ken did was to raise my dad. I’ve learned so much wisdom second hand, through stories. Rich and the headphones. Gambling back allowances. Shrimp fangs.

Legacy is a tougher word than grief. The lasting story.The man, the myth, the legend. So let it be with Caesar.

I know a lot of my dad’s stories, fewer of Granddad Ken.

Almost none of Granddad Carmel(My dad’s Grandad, I think)

None after that. Impressive Legacy for the Wilson Clan.

But it won’t stop there. Even if its only a collection of Memorials, its more then we had before. We set precedent for the future.

Thus on to Eternal Perfection

…Learning to cook from a meal of rice, meatballs, and a can of Cream of Mushroom soup…

 This may startle some people,even Granddad Ken. But I swear this great man taught me how to cook. Not to follow a recipe, like my mom failed to teach me(Hi Mom!), But the Bachelor-esque, Slapdash, Impromptu, What-do-I -have-on-hand style of seat-of-the-pants cooking. It’s really awesome. Most of my mission meals are done this way. All based on the on one meal with my granddad. 

Then we cut a watermelon into 2 inch rings that barely fit the plate and passed out the spoons.

Cheers.

…A stuffed dog, originally a Husky, but made into an Akita through the careful application of needle and thread. An Akita has this distinct curly tail that never uncurls…

I’ve been to three funerals, cried at to, grieved at one.

The first, worst and most recent, was a black woman by the name of Anita. I don’t know the full story.  That’s for Mom to tell. All  I know is I didn’t know here, and there was a lot of black people. I didn’t cry. I was just there.

The second was Nanny. I remember thinking  of this heart shaped pillow she had made. and realizing she could never make one again. I cried. And I felt better.

On a related note, I remember Dad being asked to pray over the get together afterward. Rick gave him a 56 word limit. After a very solemn prayer, my dad grinned and asked, “How’d I do?” Rick grinned back “You went over. 56.” And people laughed.

The third was not held in a church. It wasn’t even a human. Bernie the Lizard, six foot iguana extraordinaire.  Mites did it. He had no energy. He was my roommate for a while. i cried  a lot. He was great. We wrapped him in mom’s favorite blanket. Dad used his Ryobi with Rototiller attachment to dig a six foot long trench.  Iguana’s  have serious rigor mortis.

I cried for nights.

…A present given anyway, even though its not requested….

…A sword drawn from a cane completes the costume for Rick’s murder Mystery…

…Jokes in my email….

Thousands of things I can’t remember, all adding up to one succulent fact.

I’ll miss him.